ew. Ew. EW...

I frequently listen to this radio show on my drive in to work in the morning. Today they were discussing an article one of them had read pertaining to the disgusting things people leave and do on airplanes. The grossest story, hands-down, was about a woman with flaky heels in flip flops who [warning: not for the weak of stomach] picked the flaky bits of skin off her heel and...wait for it...ate the bits. Can I get an ew, brothers and sisters?

I simply had to read about this myself, so I found an article online from today's Baltimore Sun. The story was focused mainly on the disgusting crap you find in those pockets on the back of seats in airplanes. Apparently, people leave everything from used tissues to dirty diapers in those things. Of course, the print article also had feedback-y quotes from everyone from flight attendants to passengers to a "clinical flight psychologist" (whatever the hell that is). A spokesperson for an airline workers' union posed the question: "Would you hand that off to your server at a restaurant?"

My initial response to this was: "No, but restaurant servers (a) still serve food, which airlines no longer do, and (b) don't charge me hundreds of dollars to occupy a seat for a couple of hours." The more I thought of this, however, the more I realized how that thinking like that is probably the justification of most of the people who leave this unpleasant detritus in planes. Let us all acknowledge the fact that airline ticket prices are a lot of money--it is an expensive business to run. But we can also acknowledge the fact that the way we are treated on airlines is pretty inconsistent with what one might call exceptional customer service. I don't know about you, but I have never, ever walked down a jetway after a flight and thought to myself, 'wow, that was some awesome customer service.'

But then I thought, no--this is a much bigger issue than that. This is a reflection of our society. Who are the people who suffer from vengeance-based seat-pocket-infestation? Our fellow passengers. Yes, I don't like the way the airlines treat me. Yes, I think I should be able to throw that stuff away somewhere (part of my justification for putting my wrappers in that pocket is that the attendants only come by twice during a six hour flight, and there is no place else to put them). And yes, I firmly believe the airlines should spend a couple of bucks to have someone actually clean the effing plane before someone else gets in that seat--or between the last slob and when I get in the seat. But is subjecting the next person to my wrapper leaving fair to them? Nah. It is just more of that inconsiderate, self-motivated behavior that is more and more pervasive in American culture. The bumper sticker says it best: "Common Courtesy is an oxymoron."

So I ask you--nay, beg you, fellow traveler: please, consider the next person when you are disposing of your garbage or other personal detritus on the plane. Or, if you have to clip your toenails on the flight, at least do what that one lady did--eat them. So I don't have to find them in my Skymall magazine.