Rock and roll...

...is loud. And that's part of why I like it. Life is loud right now. And that's part of why I like it, too. In the last seven days, some pretty incredible stuff has happened:

One of my best friends in the whole wide world has returned to California. After a series of some-good-but-mostly-suck-ish adventures in the midwest, Jon is back in town. He drove all the way from Missouri (which I envy) and got a flat tire one and a half hours away (which I do not envy). But he is here, he is staying with me until he gets work and a place of his own, and it is grand to catch up. We have already spent countless times reliving the past and laughing our butts off about the present. Good times.

My kids and I have spent some wonderful time together. We have gone to the Russian River to splash around, and take the dog swimming. We have played board games and watched movies and had popcorn and stayed up late. Thing One came to work with me on Tuesday, and I get to see him again tonight. He is getting so mature, and growing so much--he nearly fills out his bed now, and I can still (barely) remember carrying him like a football. Thing Two is growing, too, although his heart was broken Tuesday when his pet rat passed away. (She had a giant tumor and a couple other smaller ones growing in her, so it was for the best.) He is handling it like a trooper, trying to remember the good times, but it is hard. Other than that, he is also growing like crazy and becoming his own person.

Last weekend a show I am directing opened in Santa Rosa. "Wretch Like Me" is a one-man autobiographical show about growing up into and out of Fundamental Evangelical Christianity, something close to my heart and in my own past. It is a very potent story about religion, but even more so about maturing, finding one's own voice, and how the things that often drive us into difficult situations are also the very things that give us the tools to get back out.

This week, I ran auditions for my own creation, a show called "Affairs of Face" (If you are interested, check my theater company's page for more info.) The turnout was pretty small, but the cast is small, and I am going to put some feelers out. There is still hope. And, both of these projects ("Wretch" and "Affairs") will be part of the very first Sonoma County Arts Fringe Festival this autumn. So I am VERY excited about THAT.

In all of this, I have frequently lost sleep due to fretting about things, panicking about things, and drinking waaaaaaaay too much caffeine. I have not always been my cheery self. However, throughout these adventures, my girlfriend Denise has been stalwartly at my side--supporting me, comforting me, encouraging me, giving me strength and love every step of the way. She has helped out with the show, being "on book" and taking notes for us during the rehearsal process. She has taken care of me when I needed it. And even with the busy-ness of it all, we have spent some wonderful times together.

In reflecting about everything that is going on, I really cannot complain. I am doing what I love, with the people I love, and I cannot really ask for much more than that.

Except maybe win the lottery.

With heart on sleeve (part 2 of 2)...

(today's post is a continuation of this one...)

Part of me is interested--and always has been, on a deep level--in spiritual growth. I had been feeling parched in that area, and May Day was coming up. Last year, I had heard that the Apple Tree Morris dance team in Sebastopol danced up the dawn on May Day, but I was unable to go. I was resolved to get myself there this year to experience it. So I posted this status on Facebook:

David Yen is getting up before dawn tomorrow to go to the Morris Dance in Sebastopol. Welcome, dawn!

As intimated in yesterday's post, things with "Bob" (his temporary Living Loud alias) were going down hill like a snowball. Here is the next step:

Bob at 6:38pm April 30
In this crazy town ( your old home town ) they're always dancing and shaking their tootsies over something...usually to celebrate the changing cycle of the inner child. All aboard Sufi dancers !! Need a wake-up call ?

When I got back from the dance, I posted:

David Yen danced the Abrams today.

Among other replies, I received these:

Bob at 10:50am May 1
Ah, Jewish dancing !

Bob at 6:41pm May 1
Do you have to have "personal body lubricant' available when doing this dance ? Most activities in Sebastopol call for it...Some venues even check for it at the door !

This was finally too much for me. This was something I was doing for spiritual development, remember, and Bob had taken it from joking about it, to mocking it, to just being downright offensive. I wrote Bob separately--here is the exchange:

[Me] at 12:18am May 2
hey! thanks for thinking of me, and for all the posts on my status, but can you let me be serious from time to time? i know you are just teasing, but still.... {:o\

Bob at 6:28am May 2
Take care little grasshopper. I will leave you alone. You are where I was 15-20 years ago in life. You too will be amused when you get alittle older and look back at what you now take so seriously. I, too, have my serious side but I keep it off the streets.
Much love. Seriously.
[Bob]

Did you see that? A simple request to tone it down a notch, and I was met with condescension. As if I am going to be exactly where he is now in '15-20' years. As if 'what I take seriously' is merely a distraction, some minor little activity that I will look back at when I am older and smile, thinking how silly it all was. Argh. I decided, 'all right--this is no longer worth my time. I will try to salvage what I can of the relationship and let it go.' Here is what transpired next:

[Me] at 9:59am May 2
thank you, sir. i am quite amused quite frequently, actually--it is just hard to tell sometimes on this little phenomenon when one is being silly, and when one wants to share things that matter. it's hard to type wry sarcasm. ;o)

Bob at 6:43pm May 2
My dear David,
Here's a thought to ponder as the evening sky draws over us all : You have 351 friends listed on FB however you're the only one that wrote to me suggesting my teasing you was.shall we say,insensitive ? Moral...You ARE your best friend !
The interesting thing about FB is it's like a dance floor and most people are wallflowers content to read others correspondence. The dark side of FB, I've found,is it can serve as a dairy where you enter thoughts you really do NOT mean to share with anyone.

I try and write funny things, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes silly but ALWAYS with no intent to injure....

Your 'Friends' all adore you...I'm simply the one that says "The emperor has no clothes!"

In re-reading all this, I started to get a little steamed again. But then I realized that Bob, in his tactless, insensitive way, proved my point perfectly. In his almost-apology, he basically says, 'well, it's your fault for posting something real about yourself, not mine for responding with sarcasm, disrespect and condescension.' I agree with the first half. The social networking site has become a place to stay in touch, but not to be real. It is an electronic version of that exchange where a person says to you, 'how are you?' instead of 'hello', and is shocked when you respond with the truth.

I am not that person.

If you don't have the presence of mind to say hello or render a greeting instead of asking me how I am doing, you will receive my attention, my eye contact, and my truthful response. If I post a status of "what's on my mind" (the Facebook lead-in for the status update box), it will be honest and real. I do not allow myself to wear my heart anywhere but on my own sleeve. This has gotten me into heaps of trouble in my life, and I believe it is chief among the reasons why deep friendships often elude me. But it also allows me to sleep with myself at night with the knowledge that I have been honest and open in a world that refutes those qualities, directly and indirectly, on a daily basis. I mean to share everything about myself, and will continue to do so. There are few who can really handle life on an edgy, loud, full-throttle level. I understand this, and don't think less of anyone for it.

I asked one of my best friends, a person who has been there for me for many years and knows more about me than most, for his honest feedback about me. He told me, among other things, that I have a tendency to dwell on the negative--citing, among other things, the divorce, not getting to spend the time with my kids that I would like, and my financial woes. I was a little put off by this, but realized that he is right, I can get stuck on those topics some times. But the bottom line is that, while I don't want to sound like a broken record, I will not change the way I live to make other people comfortable. It is not healthy for me, and it is not healthy for our society. That, perhaps, is the Quixotic truth of my life.

And that is what makes the blog an important place for me. Here, you can read and judge to whatever extent you like, and neither of us is hurt or made uncomfortable by your reaction. Here, I can be honest, and if you don't like it--if you meant to say 'hi' instead of 'how are you?', you can click your way to freedom instantly, without the awkwardness of finding a conversation breaker so you can go back to *your* life.

Thank you for reading.

With Heart on Sleeve (part 1 of 2)...

In my recent self-examination over To Blog Or Not To Blog, I was also undergoing a similar internal debate about Facebook. The Social Networking Site is a strange environment. On the surface, it is a place to stay connected, and reconnect, with friends who are near and not-so-near. But because it is a quick and informal means of doing so, it can be a trap to remain just that: on the surface. With the advent and growing popularity of Twitter, a quick-update service where you can let people know what you are doing at any minute of the day, casual and meaningless social interaction is becoming as pervasive as the flood of casual and meaningless infotainment.

Some people take this stream of social static way too personally. In my experience on MySpace, I found the social current to be incredibly adolescent. A feature on the site encourages users to select their "top friends" for all to see. On more than one occasion I watched in horror as friends of mine had their feelings hurt--by people who were good friends in real life--over a change in their status on that friend's "top 8" list. There was even an incident in which a girl committed suicide after she was treated badly by others on her MySpace account. I could go on and on about the conduct of the people involved in that situation, but instead I will try to remain on my current train of thought.

I have always tried to remain objective on these sites. Nearly everyone I know has had some sort of emotional fallout to deal with as the result of a misinterpreted e-mail or post or comment that someone else made. The fact is, communicating as we do in a fast-paced, spell-checked environment, it is easy to make mistakes in communication. If I can attempt to type "I'd like you for a manager" and it can come out "I've lived yon, from a manger", I can easily hit send and convey a completely wrong message. And that is just talking grammar, spelling and punctuation, without even getting into the entire mess that is inference and implication. Communicating emotions or emotionally via electrons has vast inherent potential for going awry.

There have been times when I have felt hurt, or frustrated, or even downright angry as a result of something someone has posted. And, to be honest, I have done the same--conveyed things in a way that have hurt people who I never intended to hurt. But then I take a step back and think: who is this person? Are they someone who is adept at communicating in this environment? What might they have been going through when they typed this? You have to consider the source, don't you? I have actually written back in some cases, asking for clarification, and in many cases discovered that my interpretation of the message was way off from the intent, and that has been good for the relationship, rather than the bad that would have resulted from assumption.

In a recent 'status update' on Facebook, I posted the following:

David Yen wants to hear from his inked friends in Sonoma County: how was your experience, who was your artist? bonus points if you send a pic. (i don't know what the points are good for, actually--just looking for some feedback.) going to get some work done soon, and the market is *flooded* with artists....

This, to me, seemed rather clear: I was asking for people who had tattoos to tell of their experience, who their artist was, and asking for an image of the work they had done, if they could get one to me. Here are the responses (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

FF1 at 9:20am April 28
I need to know too... I have been pondering the inky art for some time....

FF2 at 9:31am April 28
I got 'inked' in NYC, watch out it is addicting...I am working on my second!

FF3 at 9:42am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
I did mine at [shop] in Petaluma, but it's so small and simple anyone could do it. One of the supervisers in my office got a neat one that winds up her leg. Her artist was [name] in SR [phone number]

Denise at 9:58am April 28
(Heh, I got so excited I initially posted this as my status.) Here's a start: [link] Click photo for [name]. Then click tattoo images. Scroll next. You'll know it when you see it...

Denise at 10:15am April 28
There's more...just sent you an inbox message. Wee!

FF4 at 10:19am April 28
[same name as in FF3's comment] is actually a very talented artist! [FF4's boyfriend] and I get all of our work done by a good friend at [shop], [name]. You can see some of my tattoos in my pictures.

MF1 at 10:19am April 28
[name] at [shop] does the best work I have ever seen!
[full name, address, phone number]

Sadie at 11:23am April 28
Well, if you were in Michigan, I'd tell you to head ot [shop] or [shop]...but you're not. :) I want to see pics when you're done.

FF5 at 11:44am April 28
I had my first one done on the Bowery in NY -- so you should be fine:)

Blenderat 12:22pm April 28
forget the tats and get tires and registration for you bike!

Bob at 12:22pm April 28
David,David,David....What ARE you thinking ?

Sadie at 12:33pm April 28
[Blender]'s right...more cost effective to forget the tats and get your bike up to code than get nailed with a ticket later.

Bob at 1:59pm April 28
[Blender],[Sadie] & [Bob] are ALL on the same page....except I don't think you need a motorcycle either. Middle age crisis ?

FF6 at 2:58pm April 28
Just don't choose any of these:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/howaboutthat/5230467/No-Regrets-The-Best-Worst-and-Most-Ridiculous-Tattoos-Ever.html

the Ex at 3:08pm April 28
I'm thinking his middle age crisis is going to last two decades, [Bob]. He might as well enjoy it how he sees fit. : )

Bob at 4:30pm April 28
Uh oh ! A can of worms ! Time for this fellow to zip his lip and "exit stage right!"

the Ex at 6:11pm April 28
No worms, silly. An ages old joke.

Bob at 7:16pm April 28
I am silly, true ! No fool like an old fool, eh ?

Denise at 10:29am April 29
Well, David, I'm glad we could all stay on topic for ya. ;) Happy inking.

[Me] at 10:24am May 4
[FF3], denise, [FF4], [MF1]--thanks for the help. [FF6]--thanks for the laughs! i think i need a copy of that book...

So. That's a total of twenty comments, if you count my response at the end. Of those, almost one fourth actually answered the question, at least partially. Of the rest, there was criticism regarding my life choices, and some even started an entire conversation *about* me without *including* me, on my own page.

I was seriously put off by Sadie's comments (especially in light of others she had posted recently), so I sent a message to her, trying to clear things up. She responded that she had no idea what I was talking about, in a way that suggested to me that she was one of those who type without thinking, and after typing forget all about what they said. A "fire from the hip" sort of person--you all know at least one. I was able to let it all go after that exchange.

Bob, on the other hand, only got worse. Part II tomorrow.

Too darn hot / It's too darn hot...

This was a lovely weekend. Really, really hot, but a good weekend. Saturday the boys and Denise and I shot some mini-golf at Scandia. When Denise left to go to her show, Thing 1 and Thing 2 and I took the dog to the beach because it was so hot outside. We played and had a very fun time--it is always a crack up watching Maggie run in the waves. I found some bits of sea glass, and we came home and had dinner.

Sunday was the end-of-year party for Thing 1's hockey team. They made it to the state championships this year, so this was a special time. We went to one of the family's house, and they had a pool, a trampoline, and a huge inflatable water slide thing. We had build-your-own nachos, I made margaritas...it was a blast. The end of it was a bit of sharing by the team manager, the coaches, and handing out of the coach gifts and final patches for the kids' season achievements (hat tricks, shutouts, etc.). The swimming and sliding were very much appreciated, though, as it was really, really hot on Sunday, as well.

How hot was it? Well, I put some pillar candles on the patio table a week or so ago when I was eating dinner out there at night. Here is what they looked like at the end of the day:



Guess that is why people put those pillar candles on plates.

"You know that feeling you get, when you're leaning back in a chair, and you're just about to fall...

...but you don't? I feel that way all the time." (Steven Wright)

I know the last couple of posts have been rather heavy, and probably stirred things up for you, my dear readers, in your own bubbly pots. But I wanted to give a hearty thanks to each and every one of you for your comments and encouragement. In the last couple of days, I have received some wonderful words from Blender, Denise, and an incredible e-mail from my mom. (Yes, she reads this blog, so watch your language!) (Just kidding, she knows we're adults.) (Well, she knows you are an adult--she knows me better than that.)

Anyway, I have quite a bit more to say, but it can wait. It was more important to me to thank you for your blog comments, private messages and e-mail. This is a support net I didn't expect to find below me. You are all, each and every one of you, wonderful. Thank you.

Back in the saddle, again...

(cue Gene Autry:

I'm back in the saddle again
Out where a friend is a friend...

Thanks to a friendly nudge from Cara, I have returned from the land of not-ether to at least check in with you all. It has been a crazy week and a half. (Well, month, if you've been paying any attention at all.) Since my last cheesy post, I have had several adventures, not the least of which was a birthday celebration to add to the books.

Last Sunday was my (#currentyear-#birthyear)nd birthday. I had remarked some time ago to my current interest, Denise that my birthdays in the past always seemed to be a fizzle, or something I arranged myself, and she jumped into the breach. I was told several weeks ago to plan nothing for the weekend of August 3rd, and to be prepared for anything.

I was not.

Oh, I thought I was ready for anything, but she and some of my other friends are very, very devious. I was on my way to Denise's house (a granny unit behind another friend's house) when it struck me that she told me to come over "any time after 12:15". This was suspicious to me, since she usually isn't that time specific. But when I pulled up to the front house, there were no cars around. On top of that, the couple that lives in the front house were not in party mode--he was washing his truck, and she was in a robe sipping coffee on the porch.

When I walked in the back, though, there they were: people from all walks of my life--theater, family, friends--yelling "Surprise!". There was a HUGE pile of food, all good, and wine and beer--including a version of my favorite brew (don't know why brown ales are so rare, but they are not easy to find--still trying to figure out who played that card). There were balloons, many cards, three bottles of champagne just for me (they were gifts), gifts. The weather was PERFECT and we all had an amazing time.

But it didn't end there. After the party wrapped around 4:00pm, we dropped my dog off at the overnight place she likes and checked in at the Hotel La Rose in historic Railroad Square in Santa Rosa. Then we went to the Sonoma County Fair. Denise had never been to a horse race before, so we caught the last race of the day (we did not win, unfortunately). We saw all the stuff I missed about the place, took a ride on the Ferris Wheel, and left to get ready for dinner.

We got rather dressed up, and headed over to a stellar Italian place called Ca Bianca. Beautiful old Victorian building, converted to a restaurant. The service was amazing, the food was delicious, and we had the place pretty much to ourselves. (We got there right before closing, but never felt rushed to get out of their hair.) Denise had also put together a "spirit of birthdays" thing--a memory from my folks of a year of my life (spirit of birthday past), a card from her (present), and some cards from my boys (yet to come).

It was an incredible day. As Mr. Autry would say: "Whoopi-ty-aye-yay!"

Better than I could have asked...

So of course, I mentioned my reticence regarding the party. Reading back over it, I was much more worried about the flow of it all than I let on. One of my personal philosophies is "Hope for the best; be prepared for the worst." That way, you can adapt, you can adjust, and you can avoid the massive disappointment that comes from things Not Going Your Way. Which is tough for a semi-control freak like me.

But I have to say: Wow. What a great gathering. From about 6:45 until about 1:30, there was a constant buzz of conversation in the house. People were laughing, drinking, eating, talking...such wonderful energy. Theater folks talked with work folks, people from different theaters talked with one another, significant others talked with people they had never met before. It was everything you might want in a gathering like that. One crowd (the one that included my folks) left just as the late arrivals came. Another crowd left just as the post-theater crowd came (Rabbit Hole and True West both have friends of mine in them). It was like a super long game of some sort, and substitutions were coming in from the bench all night.

The evening closed with the last half dozen guests and I playing a game of Loaded Questions, one of my favorite boardgames of all time. Finally got to bed around 2am. What a wonderful night.

The house is already lukewarm, but nonetheless...

Tonight I am throwing a party at my "new" house. Evite made me pick a category, and the closest was "housewarming", but it is also a celebration of theater (the end of a fun run of The Wizard of Oz, and what will hopefully be a fun run of The Music Man), a welcome-to-the-family for my new(ish) dog, and a chance to get together with old friends. I have invited people from all walks of my life: former Starbucks folks from my time with that company, and my boss from the place I work at now; theater folks from Sonoma and Marin counties; old friends and family. In all, the evite list totalled in the nineties--I know some of those people will not show, it is more an excuse to get back in touch with them. But of that massive list, I already have over 30 positives. It should be an eclectic collection of people. That can either work really well (if they are networkers) or not so well (if they are not). For my fortieth birthday party, I threw a shindig at Ives park and cooked on the barbecue. A bunch of theater folk came to that, as well as some Starbucks folk, but they did not blend well--like oil and water, in fact. One group over here, one group over there, like an eighth grade dance. I am hoping against hope that this time they will actually mix together and it will be a fun event.

I have been busy all day preparing for this gathering, and folks will start arriving soon. Had to clean the place inside and out (not easy when you're just one guy in a 3BR home), and get "stuff" ready: food, drinks, set up conversation nooks and a bar, etc. Also bought a new little device I am eager to try out: it's a little mixer that makes everything from "blended" drinks to ice cream. It is not, however a blender--it has this huge frozen bucket-like part that you freeze, and then pour everything into it. It is so cold it freezes the stuff inside. Less mess, more variety...why not? And, the best part: it was on sale. (Look how much money I saved us, honey!)

Party starts at 6:00pm and goes until everyone leaves or we get shut down. Come by!

Cast of Characters

Here are the people in my neighborhood:

The Batzman: A wonderful actor, hysterical, talented--and unafraid to say the most inappropriate thing imaginable. Played the Scarecrow in the Mountain Play's 2008 production of "The Wizard of Oz".

Blender: My best friend from high school. That quite likely makes him, like me, older than you. In fact, we have probably known each other longer than you have been alive. Ouch.

Dangle: An actor I worked with on "SantaLand Diaries". He has done some amazing work around here, and although he was tough to read at first, I have finally started to get a grasp on how wonderful he is.

De: Incredibly talented stage manager in Sonoma County. Last name is "Lisious", so she got stuck with this nick (please forgive).

Dotentot: We had a running joke backstage at "The Wizard of Oz"--the Cowardly Lion has the line 'What makes the Hottentot so hot?' The Batzman was Hottentot, for a number of reasons, so she quickly became "Dotentot". She played Dorothy when I was on the Mountain.

Ex, the: Married for fifteen years before I moved out so we could attempt to work it all out. It didn't. Still friends, though, and share parenting of our two kids (Thing 1 and Thing 2, see below).

Helene: A versatile, soulful actor/singer/dancer and a dear friend. Met during Sweet Charity in the latter part of 2005. You can view the professional side of her life here.

K2: Matching first and last initials. Actress in Sonoma County who I have worked with numerous times. Young, full of life, talented, and currently head over heels with Mr. Ray (see below).

Manhunter from Mars, the (or Manhunter for short): A dear friend and former colleague. First met whilst working on video games for the now-extinct SSI/Mindscape/Broderbund/The Learning Company/Mattel Interactive series of companies. A former armor officer, and all around great guy--if not for the fact that he's a redneck from Missouri. (Just kidding.) His real name sounds remarkably like that of an old DC comic book character.

Menace, the: An actor I haven't worked with. Amazing. ;o) He is, by all accounts, very good--I know him only as a very sweet, funny, and genuinely warm man.

Panda: Met doing the Mountain Play (she was our Marketing Gurette). She writes a blog here that I try to keep up with.

Mr. Ray: A wonderful guy, very funny, warm, and sometimes surprisingly deep. Another local actor, I have worked with him up here in Sonoma County on Sweet Charity and seen him in many other shows.

Skate: Met during a production of "A Long Day's Journey Into Night." Became fast friends when we realized we were going through the exact same life struggles at nearly the exact same time: divorce, work, personal crisis, etc. She is now my partner in crime in a small theater company in the North Bay, and writes a blog here.

Thing 1: My eldest son. Loves ice hockey and extreme sports. Brilliant, competitive, self-critical and sometimes doesn't want to do the work because he finds it boring (he would rather be an expert at something right away). Can't imagine who he got that from....

Thing 2: My second born son. Loves karate, LEGO and small animals. Simple and brilliant, but in that scary savant way: says the most obtuse things sometimes, and walks on a different, sometimes parallel plane of existence to our own.

Wiz, the: A brilliant behind-the-scenes tech genius. Has worked in set design, sound and lighting design, and runs the sound/music for The Music Man (my current production). He is the magical man behind the curtain who makes it all work.

Zeke: The artist-formerly-known-as-the-King-of-the-Forest (currently played The Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz with me). Funny, funny man, and great to work with on stage as well.