Sound 'Assembly'...

Last weekend I went on a personal retreat. You will surely think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but this was the first time I've taken a day off in nearly 18 months. I usually have work, or rehearsal, or kids, or something planned, but instead I carved out a weekend where I could sit and think and clear my head. There is a lot spinning around up there, and (as a friend of mine once said) I wanted to get it dealt with before it knocked something off a shelf and broke it.

Here is (some of) the Merriam-Webster definition of retreat:

1 a (1): an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable
2: a place of privacy or safety : refuge
3: a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

Pretty accurate description, no? I had hoped to spend the weekend away somewhere, and had been cruising the internet and travel sites (Travelocity FTW!), but one of the things that has been weighing very heavily on me is my complete lack of finances. So, instead I ended up staying home the entire weekend and working on the house and the yard. I got some plants, and cleaned up all around. I didn't end up working on my goals, or my philosophy or strategy or personal whatever. But I did wind up feeling refreshed and at least a little more grounded.

"Retreat" is also a bugle call in the cavalry. Another bugle call is "Assemble". Here's the word from Merriam-Webster again:

1 : to bring together (as in a particular place or for a particular purpose)
2 : to fit together the parts of

Another good call. I feel ready to get ready now. I know that sounds ridiculous, but after a year and a half of running, it was good to catch my breath and look around at the terrain a bit.

That sign on the freeway (Part 1 of 4)...

This isn't the exact sign I pass on my morning commute to work--mine has a different image--but the layout and text are the same:



Spark a reaction for you? It certainly did for my eleven year old son. He saw the sign on our way to the theater (sorry for the shameless plug, but only two weeks left!). As we passed it, he grew very concerned and said with a grieving tone in his voice, "That's really sad." Then there was a long pause before he asked, "What is autism?"

We live in a culture of fear. Don't believe me? Turn on the news, or open a periodical. All we see and hear is geared to frighten us--the latest war, the latest criminal activity in our back yard, the latest increase in something scary or decrease in something good. And all stuff we have no control over. What could be more terrifying than an endless litany of life-ending events which pound into our ears and hearts the many tragic, unavoidable, senseless ways we or (preferentially, if you listen to the media) someone we love could suddenly die?

It's even in our e-mail inbox. How many times over the last year alone have you been regaled by some well-meaning associate, friend or family member with a message telling you about the cancer caused by reusing a plastic water bottle? Or the dangers of walking to your car at the mall by yourself? Or the famous I-woke-up-and-those-bastards-stole-my-kidney story? (Watch this if you haven't seen it yet.)

There is so much of this around, it has a name: Scarelore. A subdivision of the definition of "Urban Legend", it looks like this:

"Urban legends are narratives which put our fears and concerns into the form of stories or are tales which we use to confirm the rightness of our world view. As cautionary tales they warn us against engaging in risky behaviors by pointing out what has supposedly happened to others who did what we might be tempted to try. Other legends confirm our belief that it's a big, bad world out there, one awash with crazed killers, lurking terrorists, unscrupulous companies out to make a buck at any cost, and a government that doesn't give a damn." (from Snopes.com, one of the best debunkers on the net.)

Sure, there is a small tagline on the bottom of the billboard that references somewhere you might "learn the signs". But the sign inspires fear and shock to get a reaction out of us: "How sad, Dad. Whatever can we do?!?" Is there no other way to communicate any more? Do we have to perpetuate this in our world, even for (especially for) a cause as good as this one? It makes me sad and frustrated all at the same time.

to be continued...

State of the Union...

As the title of this blog suggests, life is loud for me. I would like to have a cottage somewhere, sit and drink tea and write and all that, but that is not my lot in life, I find. Especially over the last two years (although 2005 was a VERY loud year as well).

I was chatting with a friend yesterday about the Holmes/Rahe stress test. These guys were at the forefront of the stress-leads-to-illness movement, way back in the 70's (well, Wiki says 1967, so I guess I was off by a little). Briefly, what these guys did was to put together a checklist of 'life events', both good and bad, that were stressors. Each life event on the list was given a point value. You check off the ones that you've experienced in the last 12 months, and then add up the points. Supposedly, a score of 300+ indicates 'at risk of illness'; 150 to 299 indicates 'risk of illness is moderate (reduced by 30%)', and 150 and below indicates 'only a slight risk of illness'.

Last fall, I took the test and (even though I knew of it long ago, and what it meant), I was surprised to find how high it was. After chatting with my friend yesterday, I decided to take it again to see how I am doing now. There are some schools of thought that say you should count more than once for multiple occurrences, but I only counted once.

My score? 768

Oof. Good thing I have those coping tools from all these years of dealing with manic depression, or I would probably be in the hospital by now. {:o)

What the EFF?!? I don't get it...

One of the latest drugs for bipolar disorder is just too much. The name? Abilify. What the hell?!? Did George W. Bush come up with the name for this drug? "Abilify"? Seriously. I took a gander at the site to see what the drug was all about. Its chemical name--which is aripiprazole--sounds like some sort of crazy Italian dish. Also borders on the ridiculous. Perhaps their strategy is to make you laugh at the absurd names to forget about your troubles.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm just about sick of all the drug infestation out there. We are an overdrugged society, certes. In most cases, the side effects are just as bad as the problem the drug is supposedly treating. Here are some of the "possible side effects" from taking Abilify:

CONTRAINDICATION: Patients should not use ABILIFY if they are allergic to aripiprazole or any of the ingredients in ABILIFY. (hmmm...and how would I know if I'm allergic to it if I don't take it?) Allergic reactions have ranged from rash, hives and itching to anaphylaxis, which may include difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue.

Serious side effects can occur with any antipsychotic medicine, including ABILIFY. Tell your healthcare professional right away if you have any conditions or side effects, including the following:

--An increased risk of stroke and ministroke has been reported in clinical studies of elderly patients with dementia-related psychosis
--Very high fever, rigid muscles, shaking, confusion, sweating, or increased heart rate and blood pressure. These may be signs of a condition called neuroleptic malignant syndrome (NMS), a rare but serious side effect which could be fatal
--Abnormal or uncontrollable movements. These may be signs of a serious condition called tardive dyskinesia (TD), which may be permanent
--Diabetes, risk factors for diabetes (for example, obesity, family history of diabetes), or unexpected increases in thirst, urination, or hunger. Increases in blood sugar levels (hyperglycemia), in some cases serious and associated with coma or death, have been reported in patients taking ABILIFY and medicines like it. Ask your healthcare professional about the need to monitor your blood sugar level before and during treatment

Lightheadedness or faintness caused by a sudden change in heart rate and blood pressure when rising quickly from a sitting or lying position (orthostatic hypotension) has been reported with ABILIFY.

Medicines like ABILIFY can affect your judgment, thinking, or motor skills. You should not drive or operate hazardous machinery until you know how ABILIFY affects you.

Since medicines like ABILIFY can impact your body's ability to reduce body temperature, you should avoid overheating and dehydration.

If you have suicidal thoughts, you should tell your healthcare professional right away.

Medicines like ABILIFY have been associated with swallowing problems (dysphagia). If you had or have swallowing problems, you should tell your healthcare professional.

Tell your healthcare professional if you have a history of seizures, or are pregnant or intend to become pregnant, and about all prescription and non-prescription medicines you are taking or plan to take.

Most common side effects (≥10%)(so that's more than 1 in every 10 people who take it) from all clinical trials involving adults or pediatrics include:

ADULTS: Nausea, vomiting, constipation, headache, dizziness, an inner sense of restlessness or need to move (akathisia), anxiety and insomnia.

PEDIATRICS (10-17 years): Uncontrolled movements, headache, sleepiness and nausea.

Wow. I think I'll pass, thanks.