They're coming in from the air ducts! Stay frosty...

My house is starting to resemble a science fiction movie. If you've seen Aliens or Starship Troopers, you will understand the analogy.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a trail of ants running the length of the garage. They started in a little hole near the garage door (in that seam of concrete slab between the driveway and the garage) and marched all the way back to underneath the washer. I couldn't figure out where they were going, but I didn't care. I try to be pretty zen about stuff, but I do NOT like ants. I poured not one, but two small bottles of water and about four ounces of 409 down the hole, and it never even bubbled up. I figured there must be an entire colony of the damn things down there. I bought traps, and those little ant hotel poison things to bait them and encourage them to take poison down to share with their buddies after a hard day's work. They slowed down to a trickle.

About two weeks ago, I went to feed my dog, and they had found their way into the house and into the coat closet. The bag of food was teeming with them. I took it outside and threw it out, tried to get rid of the little buggers (they had levelled up in my mind, and were now "BuggerAnts", not just "Ants"). I cleaned and cleaned and tried to rid myself of them. I bought an airtight container for Maggie's food, and thought they were gone. About a week ago I came home, and they had made their way from the coat closet in that same mighty trail I had seen in the garage--a fifteen foot long line of them to Maggie's bowl. Argh. I started only putting food out for her when she might actually eat it (she doesn't have a huge appetite, and only eats when I'm around anyway).

Then, they started popping up in the bathrooms. Both of them. I cleaned both furiously. They popped up on Thing 2's bedroom, because he left a piece of art they made in school on his desk--it was one of those paste-pasta-to-some-cardstock things. We ditched the art, and cleaned his room. They popped up in the coat closet again, wandering out to Maggie's dish which one of the boys had overfilled with food. I cleaned that again. (I can picture Hudson shouting "Game over, man! Game over!" as I battle the ants.)

This weekend, I came home from Discovery Kingdom (see my last post). They had come in through the walls in the kitchen and were marching out through a tiny opening between the window trim and the wall and were enjoying themselves in the kitchen sink. I cleaned the kitchen. They came up in the same place, also came out through a switchplate/outlet interface in the wall, and also came out another tiny opening between the counter and the cabinet. They have levelled up again to Boss level and are now "FugginAnts". (The battle scene is more desperate--now I am quoting Hudson's line: "You want some? Oh, YOU want some? YOU WANT SOME?!? as I spray.)

I keep cleaning, they keep coming. I think I should go down there with some major abatement tools and kill the little beetches, but I am scared now. There must be a Metropolis of them under the house somewhere, and they have probably started a militia. I can see them dragging me underground--the same fate Hudson met with. If you have any ideas, I am open to suggestions.