With Heart on Sleeve (part 1 of 2)...

In my recent self-examination over To Blog Or Not To Blog, I was also undergoing a similar internal debate about Facebook. The Social Networking Site is a strange environment. On the surface, it is a place to stay connected, and reconnect, with friends who are near and not-so-near. But because it is a quick and informal means of doing so, it can be a trap to remain just that: on the surface. With the advent and growing popularity of Twitter, a quick-update service where you can let people know what you are doing at any minute of the day, casual and meaningless social interaction is becoming as pervasive as the flood of casual and meaningless infotainment.

Some people take this stream of social static way too personally. In my experience on MySpace, I found the social current to be incredibly adolescent. A feature on the site encourages users to select their "top friends" for all to see. On more than one occasion I watched in horror as friends of mine had their feelings hurt--by people who were good friends in real life--over a change in their status on that friend's "top 8" list. There was even an incident in which a girl committed suicide after she was treated badly by others on her MySpace account. I could go on and on about the conduct of the people involved in that situation, but instead I will try to remain on my current train of thought.

I have always tried to remain objective on these sites. Nearly everyone I know has had some sort of emotional fallout to deal with as the result of a misinterpreted e-mail or post or comment that someone else made. The fact is, communicating as we do in a fast-paced, spell-checked environment, it is easy to make mistakes in communication. If I can attempt to type "I'd like you for a manager" and it can come out "I've lived yon, from a manger", I can easily hit send and convey a completely wrong message. And that is just talking grammar, spelling and punctuation, without even getting into the entire mess that is inference and implication. Communicating emotions or emotionally via electrons has vast inherent potential for going awry.

There have been times when I have felt hurt, or frustrated, or even downright angry as a result of something someone has posted. And, to be honest, I have done the same--conveyed things in a way that have hurt people who I never intended to hurt. But then I take a step back and think: who is this person? Are they someone who is adept at communicating in this environment? What might they have been going through when they typed this? You have to consider the source, don't you? I have actually written back in some cases, asking for clarification, and in many cases discovered that my interpretation of the message was way off from the intent, and that has been good for the relationship, rather than the bad that would have resulted from assumption.

In a recent 'status update' on Facebook, I posted the following:

David Yen wants to hear from his inked friends in Sonoma County: how was your experience, who was your artist? bonus points if you send a pic. (i don't know what the points are good for, actually--just looking for some feedback.) going to get some work done soon, and the market is *flooded* with artists....

This, to me, seemed rather clear: I was asking for people who had tattoos to tell of their experience, who their artist was, and asking for an image of the work they had done, if they could get one to me. Here are the responses (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

FF1 at 9:20am April 28
I need to know too... I have been pondering the inky art for some time....

FF2 at 9:31am April 28
I got 'inked' in NYC, watch out it is addicting...I am working on my second!

FF3 at 9:42am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
I did mine at [shop] in Petaluma, but it's so small and simple anyone could do it. One of the supervisers in my office got a neat one that winds up her leg. Her artist was [name] in SR [phone number]

Denise at 9:58am April 28
(Heh, I got so excited I initially posted this as my status.) Here's a start: [link] Click photo for [name]. Then click tattoo images. Scroll next. You'll know it when you see it...

Denise at 10:15am April 28
There's more...just sent you an inbox message. Wee!

FF4 at 10:19am April 28
[same name as in FF3's comment] is actually a very talented artist! [FF4's boyfriend] and I get all of our work done by a good friend at [shop], [name]. You can see some of my tattoos in my pictures.

MF1 at 10:19am April 28
[name] at [shop] does the best work I have ever seen!
[full name, address, phone number]

Sadie at 11:23am April 28
Well, if you were in Michigan, I'd tell you to head ot [shop] or [shop]...but you're not. :) I want to see pics when you're done.

FF5 at 11:44am April 28
I had my first one done on the Bowery in NY -- so you should be fine:)

Blenderat 12:22pm April 28
forget the tats and get tires and registration for you bike!

Bob at 12:22pm April 28
David,David,David....What ARE you thinking ?

Sadie at 12:33pm April 28
[Blender]'s right...more cost effective to forget the tats and get your bike up to code than get nailed with a ticket later.

Bob at 1:59pm April 28
[Blender],[Sadie] & [Bob] are ALL on the same page....except I don't think you need a motorcycle either. Middle age crisis ?

FF6 at 2:58pm April 28
Just don't choose any of these:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/howaboutthat/5230467/No-Regrets-The-Best-Worst-and-Most-Ridiculous-Tattoos-Ever.html

the Ex at 3:08pm April 28
I'm thinking his middle age crisis is going to last two decades, [Bob]. He might as well enjoy it how he sees fit. : )

Bob at 4:30pm April 28
Uh oh ! A can of worms ! Time for this fellow to zip his lip and "exit stage right!"

the Ex at 6:11pm April 28
No worms, silly. An ages old joke.

Bob at 7:16pm April 28
I am silly, true ! No fool like an old fool, eh ?

Denise at 10:29am April 29
Well, David, I'm glad we could all stay on topic for ya. ;) Happy inking.

[Me] at 10:24am May 4
[FF3], denise, [FF4], [MF1]--thanks for the help. [FF6]--thanks for the laughs! i think i need a copy of that book...

So. That's a total of twenty comments, if you count my response at the end. Of those, almost one fourth actually answered the question, at least partially. Of the rest, there was criticism regarding my life choices, and some even started an entire conversation *about* me without *including* me, on my own page.

I was seriously put off by Sadie's comments (especially in light of others she had posted recently), so I sent a message to her, trying to clear things up. She responded that she had no idea what I was talking about, in a way that suggested to me that she was one of those who type without thinking, and after typing forget all about what they said. A "fire from the hip" sort of person--you all know at least one. I was able to let it all go after that exchange.

Bob, on the other hand, only got worse. Part II tomorrow.