Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Twelve Steps...

Hi, my name is David, and I'm a Tetrisaholic. (pause. circle of sponsors responds, "Hi, David.") It has been moments since I used last. (Circle moans collectively, a mixture of sympathy and concern.)

I used to play Tetris back in the days when the game first came out. It was a time of darkness--standing alone in a seedy video arcade in Times Square, plugging quarters into a machine I didn't even know, a machine with cigarette burns near the buttons from countless other addicts who had come before me. I lived for the Russian dance entertainment at the intermissions, a time when one could stretch their carpal-tunnel-bound fingers to prepare for the next wave of colored blocks.

I used to be able to walk away at any time, but soon I found myself pouring all my spare time--and quarters--into the game. In nearly no time at all, I was popping greens, reds and purples like candy. I prayed to the machine, imploring it for the long, thin ice blues that meant multiple rows and bonus points. I begged it for the purples to fill the gaps. I cursed and bruised my own hands banging on the hard case of the machine when the orange came instead of the blue.

This is NOT my Halloween costume.  I swear it.


Finally, when the darkness became too much, I hit bottom and quit. I realized that I was powerless over Tetris, and that my life had become unmanageable. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, and turned my will and my life over to God, as I understood him, with the belief that he could restore me to sanity. I admitted my wrongs to another, made a list of all people I had harmed, and made direct amends to them wherever possible. With the help of God, as I understood him, I was clean for years.

Then someone--someone who I do not blame for my own addiction--sent me a link to the game via Facebook. There was a special holiday version of Tetris, and I told myself that I could just play a couple of times, for fun, for the holidays, and it would be okay. I could stop at any time. I quickly became mired in the depths of Tetris again, playing the Ultra version...the Marathon version...the Block Star and Sprint versions. I even went so far as to try a Beta version of a new mod of the game. I quest daily to surpass my friends' high scores. I can't seem to stop, no matter how hard I try.

Please, God, as I understand you, take my life over again and free me from this darkness. Help me to keep it green. Or red. Or purple. Or thin, icy blue...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh! Let me be the thin icy blue in your life. :) OH!